he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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