Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
