for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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