Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
