You really coming over, don't trick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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