I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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