my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
