Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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