i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
