Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
