She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
