So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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