so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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