Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
