Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
