and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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