Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
