I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
