Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
