You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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