Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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