let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
