I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
