3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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