Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
