so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
