I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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