So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
