It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
