shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
