she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
