I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
