I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize