I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
