Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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