i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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