i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
