so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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