if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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