I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
