Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
her vagine was all disorganized.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
