I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
