she woke up with a sticky ear
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
