...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
