remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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