everyone is single if you try hard enough
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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