My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
