I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
