Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
