I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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