We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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