Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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