Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
