It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
