I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize