I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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