Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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