I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
