The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize