Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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