just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
