If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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