I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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