weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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