i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am one with the molecules
My butt remains clenched, sir.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
