i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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