in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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