i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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