He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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