i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize