so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
