You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
