Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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