My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
