Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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