When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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