I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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