did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
