hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sorry about my life...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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