we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
