We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
