Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
