He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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