he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
