my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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