i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
