U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
