My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
