I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
