a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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