It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
