Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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