A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
