I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
