lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
