Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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