Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
