dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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