I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
