Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
